Reflecting on all that is unravelling and opening and loving the Mother and her ways and attributes. Loving how one flick of the hem of her skirt changes everything and opens places you never dared to even dream of.

Everything given to or that I have known myself through is dissolving from on subtler levels of shapes right through to physical form. All manifesting right now as packing away the She Centre here in Amsterdam and moving out on Saturday. And what is opening is an unbounded freedom and incredible simplicity.

A whole other level of loving has opened in the relatedness with my man as I see He pouring through his eyes, skin and body, through his touch that just opens door after door inside my body in the incredible communion in intimacy.
With all my sisters that have been here over the last few months and how in their reflections I am learning to love my self ever deeper, knowing my self on ever wider and vaster planes of expression. How I love you all.

Loving allowance, Loving acceptance of all the forms I experience and express, how ever that comes, and I watch in wonder and marvel at Her supreme intelligence and bow down to Her majesty as veil after veil that has kept me bound dissolves.

In gratitude – for everyone who has connected here at She, for everyone that has gifted their time, love and heart, for everyone that has learnt The Form, for everyone who would not connect and engage even when we kept asking, for everyone who never came, for everyone who never even got to hear of us, for everyone that authentically cared and for all those who didn’t. A thousand thank yous for all the gifts that have set this heart free, for the play, for the love, for the pain and sorrow, for the incredible opportunity of growth, for the chance of life…

Now the wheel turns again.. a leap, a free fall, the unknown…

Bernie Prior

Its amazing that it has been a week since my last blog post. What have I been ‘doing’ the last week?!

What have I been ‘doing’ certainly sums it all up. I have been discovering dishonesty – dishonesty in consciousness. And it is amazing. Its profoundly nourishing to see dishonesty and to allow the dissolving. Even the smallest of actions are becoming so transparent and revealing the souls urge to emerge the new. Structures and known ways of moving and behaving becoming fluid, flowing. An interest in beyond body mind shining more brightly.

What a gift after 12 months of Todd and I running the SHE Centre for other committed individuals to be here, The Form every day, heart sharing, activity of the day meetings and incredible creativity pouring through. And such profound love, transformation and understanding between us all and in the whole field. Deep gratefulness from the depths of my soul for the beloveds that are sharing this space with me right now….

Yesterday morning a resistance arose in me and I saw it and let it dissolve and show me the new. Opening in that, a seeing that a new level of self discovery was dropping in, a deep rootedness taking place at the same time. I could see that perception was changing, and there was a seeing that the discovery was around how that flows into form, from the formless opening right through into action and manifestation. I sat and shared this is at our heart meeting. I could see that the understanding had not manifested and its as though a deep calling for it was taking place.

A day of unfolding revelations and seeing a veil being revealed… I went down to a well known spiritual bookshop after a call from Todd and an invite from people there to come and share lunch. We broke bread and glorious Amsterdam cheeses together and shared, engaged and connected and yet there was what appeared to be a fine veil there in me, connecting and yet knowing such a deeper call of communion. That, that I was knowing was not flowing all the way through.

By the end of the day, such a deep allowance took place amidst such a fiery tender plea from someone that came from nowhere and seemed designed to reach and touch open a deeper place in me. Touching held distortion open, honesty to what to what I was experiencing, albeit it not so graceful. Compassion was the call, deeper, deeper, deeper compassion. Loving, tender, compassion.

I lay down in the opening and a Great Mother came flooding in, Amma who was beaten for the darker colour of her skin by her own family and relatives, and her incredible unbounded love and compassion.  A cognition, only a very small inkling of what is asked to walk  a true path of love and devotion. Where everything is let in…embraced

No matter how much you open the door to another, open it wider.

No matter how much you think you have given, give even more, from beyond your self.

Give, even though it may hurt, soften, even if its not received.

No matter how justified you feel, lay it to rest and embrace the other more deeply.

This is my blog for today….. I am in a beautiful fragile place, yet radiantly alive and open.

We did record two video blogs over the last week and I have posted them below… shows some of the journey over the last week here at SHE Centre – Amsterdam.

24th July -

26th July –

It has been a sweet 24 hours or so… where I have been seeing how I cannot rely on reflection with others to know who I am. I am seeing how I have relied on what is being reflected to know which way to go, to know how I should act, be, move. Of course all rooted in believing I need to change something to be more, to get it right, to be it. So funny to see that in myself.

Amongst everything vibing to tell me all is not okay – I am aware of such an ‘okayness’. To give to that, no matter how small.

Im back in Amsterdam after the second teacher training day which was beautiful to be so involved with presenting the training. Lots of new….

First day back in Amsterdam and I was totally exhausted. I slept most of the afternoon and the pain in the body was intense. Yet moving around the house, going for a walk, being with others there were no shields in that. Total vulnerability and a tenderness with myself. giving to that small sweet place admist all the ‘feeling’ and being okay with everything just as it is.

This morning I have found tendencies in the field of myself, vibing for attention. Yet there being no need to go there. Such a tenderness inside taking place and even though ‘outside’ may seem to be saying all sorts of things I dont need to be moved. The energy spent on chasing my own tail of self doubt and unworthiness is being directed into a far gentler place. Bernie gave a brief satsang to the Core Group in NZ and to us here in Amsterdam and one of the things he touched on was that after such an intense retreat that that energy goes into the subconscious/unconscious and works there. That certainly explained my experience yesterday and today there is this sense of opening liberation.

I am seeing an empowerment taking place and that each step will reveal the next. Speak, enquire, engage, love.

An incredible trust is taking place inside, trusting the knowingness of this heart. Letting it move me, respond, action and not believing in the old patterning of self concern.

The new is emerging….

“Teaching The Form – Reality Practice is about a transmission of transformation.”

Bernie Prior

An amazing exploration this morning and Bernie has really been getting across the wideness of what we are involved in and the urgency of what is happening in the world. Using You Tube clips from Barbara Marx Hubbard, Deepak Chopra and many others who are active, passionate and involved in evolving consciousness. Tackling real issues of famine, war, poverty and the urgency to Wake Up.

Seeing such passion and absolute commitment lit a flame in my soul and more is dropping in from what I wrote yesterday around the shattering and the new way of serving coming in. Watching Barbara Marx Hubbard it was clear that what was beyond her was pouring through, igniting every cell in her body in an aliveness, openess and a love and passion for life that you cannot manufacture. Its real, full and dynamically alive.

I led the afternoon teacher training sessions and we were looking and exploring the inspirations coming through and bring them down to practicalities, and the next steps to activate teaching bringing it alive.

It has been a very full day and a new frequency again is opening. An even deeper rootedness. Certainly leading parts of the training is another new step and the reflections back are propelling me forward into the unknown.  I have seen so much come out of today from DVD presentations where we get across the evolutionary imperative, the place of The Form in that, being a teacher.. so much.

If you acknowledge you are on that cutting edge, commit to remain on it, just acknowledge that you are on that cutting edge so the truth of your being is burning in you.

Say YES, you ARE on the cutting edge but you have got to clearly see that. Confirm it to yourself, otherwise the moment you get into those ordinary life situations where our societies are not on the cutting edge, where our colleagues are not on the cutting edge of consciousness and the field that you walk in and live your life is not on the cutting edge – then you may fall into a fog of belief that it was all a dream. You will simply return, you will step back and return to the old patterns. It is a robotic reaction. When consciousness isn’t truly itself then it looks for the familiar. So acknowledge with me right now…can you do this?

Hello Beloveds…

Last day of the retreat… There is a depth, an inner deepening direction whilst moving, speaking, actioning. A thrill, aliveness and vitality oozing from the core of my being through the pores of my skin. There are no boundaries all is a seemless flow.

Last night after satsang Bernie called for support from people to help get the teaching out, as he was speaking I could feel a touch that was penetrating so deeply. When he had finished and left the stage I felt a sob coming up, before I knew it I was crying a deep cry and knowing a shattering on some level that I couldn’t explain. A beautiful sister, Karen came over and and held me, as Arjuna took my hand and we just sat for a moment in the depth. It was a tender moment of loving.

The satsang this morning was a call to an inspired life that serves the evolutionary impulse. A call to be inspired by what is here in this invitation, what is in the form, what is in the practice. To confirm to yourself with absolute knowingness that you are it and evolve beyond the known forms of expression. It was an amazing morning and I saw something that is still revealing what the next step is, what had been touched open the night before.

Its clear that I am moving forward, and its clear that I have a deep love for this teaching, for The Form, for Bernie and his reflection of living truth and for everything I have served in this. I have loved and served this with all my ability, skills – known and grown skills -and have received so much through this. I cannot express the gratitude I feel, for the beauty and unconditional love that I have experienced in serving this teaching. What this teaching has opened me to, held me through, loved me beyond.

Yet the ways that I have served have opened new doors, another level was revealed and it has come through the shattering of the known way. It has a sense of urgency to it, its connected with a totally new way of expressing, creating. Serving the profundity of the whole with this body and being and walking vertically aligned in a direction fully alive as myself. Opening the gifts that are bursting to come through and serving this realisation in a true way infused with everything I am.

“The Fog Dissipates and YOU Participate”

Its so funny because when you watch my blog below I couldn’t remember what had happened this morning, yet when I came to write the blog it flooded back in… amazing. Mmm the fog, the fog of forgetfulness..?

“You have to be prepared to be broken, constantly, to really give this out. Your ability to be broken is your ability to allow everyone in . Because God wants to meet everyone, profound intimacy no matter what.”

Bernie Prior

Laying in bed this morning, intoxicated with the heart, tangibly alive and full. A deep river of tenderness flowing through my veins into everything.

Up and about the vulnerability deepened and an interaction with someone took place, the ‘feelings’ were intense and there was no where to go in it but to feel it all. All morning the intensity just seemed to highten, an overwhelming mix of profound love and beingness with a razor edge. This deep pattern eventually revealed, as I lay on my bed after lunch it showed itself, and completely dissolved in the same moment back into the deep. Then there was just ecstatic love.

It has been an amazing discovery to see the incredible gift of patterning and to now know the total sweetness of allowing it. The impersonality of it, the okayness of it even when terrible.

As the evening unfolded it revealed so clear that what was experienced with the pattern arising was actually a demonstration of  Part 4 of The Form, the particular bit being the lotus bud that flowers. Bernie beautifully explained it as a pattern being consciously faced, buds and buds, seeming to intensify until it just flowers and opens the new into existence.

My breathe keeps getting taken away by the incredible practice of The Form and its living demonstration of the cycle of self discovery and how it reflects and integrates directly into life. Its practice illumines such depths of self understanding and how The Form and life just merge into one whole new way of being in vertical alignment.

Bernie demonstrated Part 5 and then asked me to piece it with Part 4 and hold the sessions. Such a dissolving took place, there was nothing but dissolving. Incredible depth and a rootedness. Dissolving…. a very late satsang session as Bernie kept us all on this edge of unknown. Really enquiring into Creation, Reflection and Rejection – the rejection of the false.

“When you begin to understand that God is at work in all of this, you begin to give up sex which just  keeps you separate from your body. Sex does not allow you to realise the body as transparency. Only love opening as a heart resonance throughout all of your body opens the door of pure sexuality that loves flows through as a heart resonance through the sexual field of the body. Then the whole body field becomes enlightened and transparent as the true embodiment of She and He is in that body and is illumed from He. And seeing as they are One already, god is illumed the earth of their relationship and they are radiantly one body.”

Bernie Prior

Very tender day… after my video blog (below) more unfolded and a deep pattern has been arising. Its funny because what I have realised after demonstrating The Form Part 1 to 4 this morning and the unfolding throughout the day is that I just cant trust the mind and more precisely I really don’t need to. I have been seeing through it this evening…its tricks, its ways. The mind is far more visible as there is more attention in what is behind it, beyond it.

We danced The Form all afternoon, beautifully, sweetly. With partners and alone.

Also seeing far deeper from the blog I wrote the other day about the Emerging Map – and how the Being is navigating its way through and the inner map dissolves as there is the new and unknown.

This evening after dinner we went into session and with Bernie’s opening to the session the recognition of Being was so strong I could do nothing but weep with the love, the awesomeness, the beauty, the terribleness, the human dilema, all of it. I can hear my being calling, tangibley alive, here, pouring through the heart and singing its soul song into the room. Falling in love with it, being taken over by it…

Tenderness… vulnerability..

A day of ecstatic union…. breathless. Realising a whole new way of being and becoming, unveiling the true purpose of relationship, love making. Realising ‘He’ has been loving ‘me’ all along. Tenderly, tenderly, opening, glowing, loving.

Dissolving, allowing… Opening into true intimacy.

There is little else I can share right now. We didn’t dance The Form today.  A storm came on the evening and I sat for a little while in the garden feeling her coming, loving her. The first ‘early’ night, no computers, ‘no working’, fell into bed at 10.00pm.

“Out of this field that is happening here there is an emergence, an emergence of the new, an emergence of pure consciousness. This is what begins to happen with the emergence of that new field – it begins to literally take you over. The field begins to merge into you as it. The field comes to you as knowing new potentials.”

Bernie Prior

An amazing start to the day as Bernie spoke of the journey of awakening and the spiritual practice of The Form – Reality Practice, and how it can open a profounder place of consciousness.

He touched on how we are all growing the field on retreat with the practice, enquiry, and how the emerging new field needs to be established in relationships. Also how the impulse is constantly moving forward and creating and how an individual can be taken over by that field. It was a very inspiring meeting and we came all came out full of radiant potential at what we are all particpating in.

Todd had already planned to talk the existing Form Facilitators and Teachers on the session break, with an impulse that could open something new for us all. We have a 4 day retreat booked for in Tuscany in September teaching part 1 to 3 of The Form and we offered all the teachers to come and be a part, with partners or not, bring along there students who would like to come and lets evolve the field together and nurture of relationship together. Already two have booked and others are making the arrangements. Its an amazing opportunity to come together. Please do let me know if you are reading this and are inspired to come along and dive into the The Form.

I held the Form sessions in the afternoon and we learnt Part 4 and practised its movements. Such an incredibly beautiful afternoon, such deep tenderness arising.

Last session we had another leap up as Bernie started bringing in how what we have been looking at for the last 8 days relates to sexual intimacy – it was a challenging engagement and my heart and soul soaked it up. I was deeply touched around him speaking about the dark unconscious of the feminine… it gently touched with a feather like quality and tears softly fell…allowance…

“The big thing is that this higher intelligence descends as you and I and cleanly begins to transform this world of ours. Then this world of ours becomes what it truly is – sacred. we begin to experience the continual edge of a new creation. There is no god doing this, it is you and I doing this as a response to our true nature and the impulse that comes from that place is the very heart beat in your chest.”